


High Up North

by penalteaze



Category: Football RPF
Genre: AU, Dele is a football player -- Eric isn't!, M/M, Middlesbrough, Tottenham Hotspur, kinda christmassy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 07:07:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13141584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penalteaze/pseuds/penalteaze
Summary: When Dele comes up north to salvage a football career he isn't sure he’ll make it in, all it brings him is heartbreak and misery. Then he meets Eric.





	High Up North

**Author's Note:**

> I'm shit at writing summaries, so I'll try to think of something and add it later.
> 
> Wow, it's finally done! I got the idea for this story in February and sporadically wrote whenever I had time and inspiration. The last few days I really tried my best to finish it so it can be posted today (consider this my Christmas present to you).
> 
> I have to say, I'm not 100% happy with it, but everyone always says you can only get better when you keep trying something.  
> I find myself writing sad stories more often than not, so this is something new for me.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this story, if you do, feedback would make me very happy.
> 
> Please keep in mind that my first language isn't English.

_I am delighted to join Middlesbrough on loan and can’t wait to start working with everyone._

Dele reads the words, supposedly his own, and can’t stop a bitter smile from forming on his face.  
_Delighted_. It couldn’t be further from the truth. Who actually wants to go to Middlesbrough? Not him, that much he knows.

Yeah, he’ll probably get regular first team football now ( _in the Championship_ ) and yeah, it is probably the best for his development, but it is everything he never wanted. He knows what it means to be loaned out by Pochettino. Existential worries are the last thing he needs right now.

Dele is a London boy, he’s never even been further up the country than Liverpool when it wasn’t for a rainy away game and every single time he went he hated it. Now he has to leave behind his friends and his home to salvage a career he’s not sure he’ll ever truly make it in.

He has to leave behind Julian before they have had the chance to work out what is going on between them. Well, Dele knows what has been going on, Julian probably does as well, but they didn’t talk about it. When he recalls their last conversation he shudders.

 

_“So you’ll be gone for a whole year?” Julian asks, worrying his bottom lip and trying his utmost to not look Dele in the eyes._

_“Yeah, unless they recall me, but that doesn’t mean I won’t come visiting.”_

_“That sucks, Del, it really sucks.”_

_“I know… But as they all say,” he paints air-quotes, “it’s the only thing that can save my career now. Hasn’t even started yet and already needs saving.” He doesn’t expect pity from Julian, he doesn’t get it, never will._

_“Um, so what does this mean for-,” Julian stops himself to think, then adds, “us?”_

_“I don’t know.”_

_“A year is long.”_

_Dele knows what Julian is trying to say, he doesn’t like it but won’t tell him that. “It’s okay, it’s not like we’re exclusive or anything.”_

_Julian doesn’t answer. Dele knows he’s blaming him for it, for not being exclusive. Again, Julian just doesn’t understand. Maybe that’s one of the reasons they’ve been stuck in a rut for months._

_“We can see how it goes when I return,” Dele suggests cautiously, but it sounds more like a question._

_“Yeah,” Julian agrees. Dele feels a pang of jealousy in his chest, one he has no right to feel, Julian is not his._

_His sort-of/sort-of-not boyfriend looks up now, he steps forward and caresses Dele’s cheek, it feels more intimate than a kiss could ever. “Take care, Del.”_

_It’s not just a goodbye for now, deep down Dele knows it. He accepts it._

 

***

 

So here he is, wearing a training kit that isn’t Tottenham’s, on a pitch that shows him how spoiled he’s become during the last season, surrounded by men he doesn’t know.

He wants to go home.

 

***

 

He’s sitting on his black leather couch in the flat that someone has organised for him. It’s raining. The lights are turned off and Dele has been unlocking and locking his phone again and again for the past twenty minutes.

He’s deliberating whether he should text Julian. He wants to tell him that he misses him, that he doesn’t want them to end things, that he’s sorry. And sorry he is, most of all for himself.  
He told Julian from the beginning that football was his priority and now he’s not sure anymore if that’s true. 

In the end he decides to text him, he just needs to talk to someone, needs to tell someone how much all of this sucks.

_Arrived safely up north, hope the exam went well, miss you, D._

Then he’s back to unlocking his phone and feeling the disappointment start to grow when he sees that Julian has read his message and hasn’t answered.

The rest of the night doesn’t get any better. At nine he finds himself on the sofa, a documentary about wild animals running on the TV, his eyes still fixed on his phone. Winksy has texted him, Dele doesn’t like to admit how disappointed he felt when he saw it was just him. He texts back a quick answer and goes to bed at ten.

 

***

 

The next morning at eleven the realisation starts to hit him. Julian won’t text him back and they won’t see how it goes once he’s back again. In a year. When he tries to check the message he’s sent for the hundredth time, Julian’s profile pic is gone. He’s blocked him. It hurts more than it should.

He sits on the bench in the changing room and tries not to cry. When he angrily shoves his phone back into his bag, the guy next to him turns around.

“Bad news?” he asks sympathetically. He’s blond, blue-eyed and looks nice. Still, Dele can’t help but feel observed.

He shrugs.

“I’m Patrick,” the boy introduces himself and holds out his hand for Dele to shake.

“Dele,” he answers with a tight-lipped smile. He isn’t in the mood for conversation, not at all.

“You’re from Milton Keynes, right?” he asks.

Dele nods as a reply.

“I played there for a few months, must’ve just missed you.”

Patrick seems nice and Dele feels so damn alone, so he decides to get it together and at least try to make an effort. “Well, now we’re both here,” he grins, “must be destiny.” He’s always been good at fake-smiling.

Patrick introduces him to Ben, the captain. He has lunch with the two of them and although all he can really think of is Julian, he can’t deny that the two are nice. Sure, they’re not Winksy or Sonny or Harry, but they’re nice.

 

***

 

Training is harder than he expected it to be, it’s pissing down with rain and his head is elsewhere. The more he thinks about how this might be his last chance, the worse he gets, at least that’s what Dele feels like.

Everyone else seems to be quicker, better, stronger. It’s ridiculous, he’s a Premier League player, he has to be better. But he isn’t.

The weeks go by, the days get shorter and darker and Dele feels lonely. Sometimes he goes out with Patrick and Ben, sometimes he calls one of the Spurs boys, but usually they’re busy, preparing for a Champions League match or in the middle of one of Poch’s double sessions.

He hasn’t started more than a handful of games, came off the bench a few times, but except for a single goal he has nothing to show for.

Maybe he just isn’t good enough.

 

***

 

Of course they get drawn against Tottenham in the FA Cup. At first he doesn’t want to come, he can’t play anyways, but Garry Monk thinks it’ll be good for moral support and so he finds himself in a hotel room in London with Patrick.

Dele never thought the day would come, but he can’t stand being in London anymore, it’s too close to Julian, too close to heartbreak.

He’s looking out of the hotel window, worrying his lip while watching the raindrops hit the glass.

He must look like one miserable excuse of a human being because Patrick sits down next to him, cheeks rosy and a sympathetic smile on his face. “Wanna talk about it?”

Dele looks at the rain again, he finds it calming. “Uh?”

“Well, something’s obviously bugging you, so either you tell me what’s wrong or you pull yourself together. I know it might be inappropriate to tell you this, but you’ve been miserable ever since you came to us.”

It’s definitely inappropriate, Dele thinks. He wants to get mad, storm outside the room and never talk to Patrick again, but a part of him has been waiting for someone to ask him what’s wrong. He _needs_ to tell someone. He shrugs. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah right, of course,” Patrick rolls his eyes in annoyance and stands up, moving to his own bed again, “I’ll be here when you decide to just spit it out.”

Dele doesn’t react, just keeps on staring into nowhere. He can hardly tell Patrick that he’s been feeling horrible because the love of his life has been ignoring him and it’s all his own fault. He shouldn’t have chosen football, football doesn’t love him the way Julian does-- or did. Still, Dele loves football more than he ever could a person. It was there for him when no one else was, it’s his safe place. Only it isn’t anymore.

Later that night, Dele turns to Patrick who’s been watching something on his laptop. “My... girlfriend broke up with me.” It feels wrong. It hurts his heart, this one little word, but it’s better like this. For now at least.  
Dele isn’t ashamed of who he is, but he knows that sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut.

Patrick sits up and looks at him with pity in his eyes. Dele hates it, he doesn’t want to be pitied. “Oh… I’m sorry, mate.”

Dele shrugs. “Probably better than one of those long distance things anyways.” That’s the lie he’s been telling himself, too, hoping it would turn into reality if only he repeated it often enough.

“So you broke up because of your move?”

“Yeah.” He isn’t sure. Maybe Julian had just waited for an opportunity to break things off, after all, he had been unhappy with Dele’s secrecy for quite some time. Dele gets it. It still hurts though.

“That was when? Two months ago?”

Dele nods.

“I get that breakups suck, Dele, but you should move on.” Patrick has a tendency to say things how they are, sometimes it’s annoying, but in this case brutal honesty is what Dele needs.

“I… I just feel so damn alone.”

“Yeah, but you aren’t. Ben and I, we’re your friends, the other guys like you too and I’m pretty sure that you still have many friends here in London. Maybe you should concentrate on them instead of her, on people who make you happy.”

Annoyingly, what he says is making sense. “I guess you’re not wrong.”

Patrick grins, “‘Course I’m not, I know what I’m talking about.”

“Sorry for being so…”

“I get it, don’t worry. What you need is cheering up.”

Dele frowns, “What are you thinking about?”

“Quit that face, Dele,” Patrick laughs, “we’ll just take you out with us once we’re back home, I’ll talk to Ben.”

“I don’t know…”

“No excuses! You’ll come with us.”

For the first time in months Dele doesn’t feel quite as shitty anymore. Yeah, he’s still hurting, but he isn’t alone with it anymore. Patrick is a nice guy.

 

***

 

“We always go here,” Patrick explains while opening the door to the pub, “food is great and it’s not too expensive either.”

Dele nods a bit confused, it’s not like they really have to save money on food.

“We meet with a few of my school friends quite often,” Ben tells him, “they study here.”

“Ah, alright,” Dele answers while looking around the pub. It’s not big and quite cozy, the lights are dimmed and a football game is on the TV.

Patrick leads them further to the back, the table is well hidden from the entrance and Dele spots three guys that are already there. One of them, a big blond one seems to have just told a joke, the other two are laughing. The blond one’s eyes crinkle when he’s laughing.

“So you decided to show up too?” one of the other boys asks while Dele is still watching the blond one.

“Yeah, sorry,” Patrick explains while sitting down with his usual smirk displayed on his face, “Dele here had about 20 costume changes before deciding on this,” he points at Dele’s jumper and rolls his eyes. “London boy.”

“Shut up,” Dele answers with a chuckle and then looks at the three of them. “Nice to meet you, I’m Dele.”

The blond one smiles at him, his blue eyes are twinkling. “I’m Eric,” he says and moves closer to the other guys to make space on the bench for Dele and Ben.

Dele sits down next to him and smiles.

“I’m John,” the brown-haired boy next to Eric says.

“And I’m Oliver,” the last one, also brunette, adds.

“I’m falling off the bench, guys, would you move a bit already?” Ben asks with a chuckle and so Dele shifts closer to Eric until their thighs touching. It feels good. Dele ignores it.

“So tell us,” Eric asks and turns towards him, “what possessed you to befriend these two?”

Dele grins, “The others paid me so that they’d have their peace for some time.”

“Fuck off, Del,” Patrick exclaims, but he laughs.

Dele shrugs, “You know that’s the only reason.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Ben agrees with a smirk, “or was it the other way around?”

Dele enjoys the evening more than he expected to. Ben’s friends are nice, even more so after they’ve had a few beers while the other three stay sober. He talks to Eric nearly the entire time. He and Ben have been friends since they were kids, he studies psychology and loves board games 

Dele likes him. At the end of the night he’s already looking forward to seeing him again someday.

 

***

 

“Dele! Hi!”

Dele turns around to see a slightly flushed Eric approaching and can’t help but smile. “Hi,” he chuckles, “what are you doing here?”

“Just out with a few friends, we had enough of the library,” Eric explains and points at two guys and a girl a bit further back, “And you?”

“Errands mainly. Still need to find some bits for my flat.”

“Oh, found something already?” Eric asks with an excited smile.

“Not really,” Dele chuckles, “but I don’t know what I’m looking for either.”

“All that footballer money and then he doesn’t know what to spend it on.” Eric winks and Dele doesn’t feel offended or annoyed by the comment like he usually would.

“Yeah, yeah. Someone’s jealous,” he replies.

“Correct!” Eric laughs. His eyes nearly shut and he looks… cute? His whole face smiles and when he opens his eyes again they shine with happiness. He’s beautiful.

“I see right through you, Eric Dier.”

“I’m noticing,” Eric explains and then looks at his friends who seem to be getting a bit impatient. Eric looks back at Dele. “Well, anyways, we need to get going, but we should hang out sometime!”

“Yeah… yeah,” Dele answers and smiles, because it’s true. He _wants_ to hang out with Eric.

“Um, I’m pretty loaded with exams for the next few weeks, but maybe afterwards? I could text you?”

“Sounds great.”

“Perfect,” Eric hands him his phone and smiles at him shyly when their hands touch, “just save your number and I’ll text you.”

Dele does as he’s told and grins once he’s done, “Good luck with your exams, Eric.”

“Thank you,” Eric answers with the biggest smile Dele has ever seen and softly presses Dele’s arms before turning to walk away.

Dele watches him until he can’t see the blond hair anymore. He’s wearing a stupid smile on his face and is aware of how weird he must look, but he doesn’t care.

 

***

 

At night, while eating dinner on his own, Dele gets a text.

_E: It was nice to talk today, sorry I had to cut it short. Eric_

Dele saves the contact into his phone and smiles. He can’t remember having ever met someone as polite as Eric. It’s kinda cute

_D: No worries :) but shouldn’t you be studying?_

_E: Don’t call me out like that :// can’t concentrate.. I’m hungry and sick of the human brain_

_D: Understandable.. what you need is distraction!_

_E: Anything in mind?_

_D: You know the town better than me. But you should def get something to eat_

_E: U busy?_

_D: Nah not really_

_E: Wanna join me at Nandos?_

 

***

 

“It was a nice dinner,” Eric declares, holding the door open for Dele to step outside.

“Yeah, tastes better here for some reason.”

Eric laughs. “For a footballer you have a healthy appetite.”

“Jealous?” Dele asks light-heartedly, looking Eric up and down. He looks perfect, not a gram too much. Strong, defined thighs, broad shoulders.

“Of you?” Eric gives him the same look and laughs.

“I’m a good-looking man, Eric,” Dele answers and can’t stop himself from laughing too.

“Sure,” he answers and closes his coat. It’s a cold night. “Where do you live?”

Dele tells him his address.

“Ah, that’s on the way, I’ll walk you to your place.”

“You don’t have to…”

“But I want to,” Eric explains with a smile, “need to move a bit more anyways.”

“Fine,” Dele answers and starts walking.

Eric follows him and for some time they just watch the few cars passing by in the dark of the night, then he clears his throat. “So… Ben said you’re a bit lovesick…”

Dele’s features harden as soon as the words leave Eric’s mouth. “I don’t want to talk about it.”  
He wonders whether the water in Middlesbrough makes people ask inappropriate questions.

“I get it, it sucks,” Eric responds after a little while, “my… my boyfriend forgot what the meaning of _exclusive_ was,” he explains with a bitter laugh, “it was horrible, the others needed to drag me out the house, I didn’t want to see anyone,” he takes a deep breath, “but it’ll get better. You’ll forget about her and you’ll find someone who will make you forget she ever even existed.”

Dele listens to him and doesn’t answer for a long time. Then he clears his throat, searching for an answer. He knows it’s unfair of him to let Eric wait for so long. He looks at him with a small smile. “His loss to be honest, you seem like a great guy.”

Eric breathes out audibly, in relief probably. “Yeah, his loss,” he smiles back, “and soon you will say that about your ex, too.”

“Doesn’t feel like that day will come soon right now…”

“I know heartbreak is cruel, Dele, but honestly, it’ll get better.”

Dele isn’t sure about that, it feels like Julian has taken a part of him and doesn’t want to give it back. He’s mad at himself for allowing him to do so, he opened up to Julian, loved the idea of being with him, loving him. And then he fucked it up.  
He shrugs.

“Believe me,” Eric says insistently, “and if you need someone to listen, I’m here.”

 

***

 

“They’re my parents’,” Eric explains, watching them attentively, “love them, but they’re the worst trained dogs ever-- CISCO! Come back!” he smiles apologetically before running off to chase the golden Labrador.

Dele laughs and follows him, catching up with Eric easily. “They’re cute. I love dogs.”

“Yeah? I love them too, but,” he stops to leash Cisco, “they give me a good workout every time.”

Dele chuckles bemusedly, “My dog always goes on adventures, his best friend is our neighbour’s cat but she hasn’t gotten the memo yet.”

“Aww, how cute,” Eric smiles, “what’s his name?”

“Hugo,” Dele replies and sighs, “I miss him…” He pulls the sleeves of his jumper down to cover his hands, it’s been getting colder.

“I get that, I’d miss these two rascals too. If you like-- I mean, we could walk them together more often?”

Dele looks at Eric. He seems to be a bit insecure, his cheeks flushed just a bit more than usual. “I’d love that,” he replies with a big smile.

“Yeah? Great!” he clears his throat, “I meant... it’ll be nice to have someone to talk to while walking them.” He blushes.

“I’m sure we’ll have lots of fun,” Dele chuckles. “As long as it doesn’t rain,” he adds with a wink.

“Ehh, I can’t promise you that,” Eric replies, “we’re in Middlesbrough after all.”

“I know, I know. _Winter is coming_ ,” Dele whispers dramatically, “it’s so cold already, how will it be when it’s actually winter?”

“You’re cold?” Eric asks, looking at him a bit concerned, “here, take my scarf.”

“No, no, it’s fine! Don’t want you to be cold instead of me,” Dele answers hastily.

“Don’t worry about me,” Eric says and hands him his fluffy scarf, “I don’t get cold easily.” He grins, “I’m not a London boy.”

“Hey!” Dele laughs and slaps his arm.

Eric chuckles and looks Dele up and down. “Not a gram of fat, of course you’re freezing.”

Dele gives him the puppy eyes. “You’re making me feel insecure, Eric Dier,” he answers and wraps himself in Eric’s scarf. It smells amazing and is warm and cozy.

“As if anyone could ever make you feel insecure, Dele,” Eric laughs and rubs his back to mock-comfort him.

Dele sniffles, “You don’t even realise how hurtful your words are.” He tries to keep a straight face but fails miserably and breaks out into laughter.

Eric laughs as well and Dele realises how much he loves the sound of his laugh. He wants to make Eric laugh again and again just to hear it more.

This night Dele doesn’t check his phone for a message from Julian for the first time since his move up north.

 

***

 

It’s late in the afternoon, Dele has had another bad game. It shouldn’t really surprise anyone anymore, he can’t remember the last time he’s had a good game. The look of pity on Patrick’s face after the game has left him feeling ashamed.  
Being pitied is something he has always hated. People think they’re being understanding, but they’re actually looking down on you.

He’s lying on the sofa, scrolling through his twitter mentions. He’s been doing that ever since he’s become important enough to be tweeted about. Dele realises that it’s a masochistic thing to do, but he can’t stop himself from reading it either, especially after he’s had a bad performance.

He’s halfway through a particularly nasty tweet when the doorbell rings. Dele knows it’s going to be either Patrick or Ben who are coming to cheer him up. He rolls his eyes and prepares for sending them away while slowly walking to the front door.

“Hey,” Eric says once Dele has opened the door. His cheeks are rosy as always and his hair is wet, probably from the rain.

“Oh,” is all Dele can muster, “It’s you.”

Eric smiles a bit insecure. “Did you expect someone else? I can leave again!”

“No! No, it’s fine,” Dele moves to the side so Eric can come in, “I just didn’t expect anyone.” He takes Eric’s coat and hangs it up.

“I hope I’m not disrupting any plans,” Eric says as he follows Dele into the living room.

“Don’t worry, I hadn’t planned on doing much. Would you like something to drink?”

“Umm, a tea please?” Eric sits down on the sofa.

Dele nods and goes to the kitchen to prepare one. While doing so, he’s wondering if Ben told Eric to come and check on him. He wouldn’t put it past his captain. Dele hopes it isn’t the case, he wants Eric to visit him because he _wants_ to.

“Thank you.” Eric takes a sip of his tea and smiles once Dele is back. “I was at a friend’s to watch the game and thought I’d stop by on the way home.”

The game. Eric saw it. Eric watched Dele embarrass himself for 73 minutes straight. He wants to disappear and although he hates pity, he can’t help but feel sorry for himself.  
Dele doesn’t answer.

“Wanna talk about it?” Eric asks him, his voice gentle, but not pitiful.

Dele shakes his head, “Not really.” He’d rather forget about it to be honest. Being average- or worse than that- has never been something he could deal with particularly well.

Eric worries his lip, deliberating what to say, “I understand that. Most of the time talking helps though.”

“There isn’t much to talk about though, is there? I’m shit at football,” Dele shrugs. He’s failed at the only thing that ever made him anything special.

“That isn’t true,” Eric exclaims quite vehemently.

“I don’t expect you to understand it.”

“I’ve played football too, you know? Still do actually,” Eric says, looking at the ground, “just wasn’t good enough… It’s actually how I met Ben.”

Dele feels the urge to hug Eric. He doesn’t know what to answer. “I’m still not good enough. Whatever I try, I never succeed.”

Eric watches him, his eyes linger on Dele’s face. “You--,” he hesitates, “you’re so amazing, why are you so hard on yourself?”

Dele feels his cheeks flush red and looks away. “I’m far from that.” He tries to put what he’s been feeling all these months into words. “The only thing I was ever good at was football and now I’m not even good at that anymore. I gave up everything… for nothing.”  
Julian’s face crosses his mind. He’s been thinking less of him, but the pain is still there sometimes. Although it isn’t really pain anymore, more like the fear of having made a decision he’ll come to regret.

“Hey,” Eric replies, “you _are_ good at football, everyone can see that. I think the problem is here,” he points at his head, “rather than in your feet.”

“Uh?”

Eric sighs, “I have the feeling that you worry too much about what’s going to happen.” He looks at Dele. “My mum always says ‘If you live your life being scared, you’ll never be able to enjoy it’. I think you have to let go, stop thinking so much about what could happen.”

What he says is right, Dele knows it, but he’s never _not_ been scared of something. “How?”

Eric chuckles, “If only I knew... Before coming out I was so scared, but then I did it and I noticed that nothing really changed. Sure, some people were assholes about it, but those weren’t the people important to me. I just realised that all this anxiety had been for nothing. You stop giving a fuck after some time…”

“It’s not that easy though, is it?” Dele asks, not because he doesn’t want to believe Eric, but because he sure as hell has tried to not _give a fuck_.

“‘Course it isn’t, but what do you have to lose?”

Dele worries his lip, “Nothing. This is my last chance.”

“Well, you better use it then,” Eric answers with a smile. “I know you’ll show them just how good you are.”

He looks at Eric and can’t help but feel his optimism too. “I’ll try.”

“Of course you’ll try, and you’ll succeed.”

 

***

 

In the next game Dele scores a goal. It’s like someone has flipped the switch, he feels free. Every second on the pitch makes him feel better, stronger, like he’s finally doing something right.

The other guys come to celebrate with him, Patrick hugs him excitedly and yells something, but Dele can only think of Eric. He’s certain that it’s Eric’s advice that has made him score. He wants Eric to be in the crowd and he wants him to see how well he is doing.

 

***

 

“You can’t look at him, Eric,” Patrick explains, “he’s our star now.”

Eric rolls his eyes but laughs, “Yeah, yeah.”

“We mean it,” Ben says with a straight face, “you touch him, we kill you.”

Dele blushes and hopes they won’t be able to see it in the dim lighting. He hasn’t been complimented on his football in a long time. It feels good. “You’re acting crazy,” he answers with a chuckle and then slips past Ben to sit next to Eric.

Patrick answers something, but Dele doesn’t listen, he’s busy smiling at Eric.

Ben sits down next to Dele - as always - and Dele moves closer to Eric to make space.

“You had a good game,” Eric says proudly, moving even closer to Dele.

“Not good, Eric,” Patrick explains with a voice which conveys that Eric must be the least intelligent person on the planet, “ _brilliant_.”

“A _brilliant_ game,” Eric corrects himself, rolling his eyes. He grins at Dele, his eyes are shining. “I wonder where that sudden _brilliance_ is coming from.”

Dele smiles shyly, feeling a bit uncomfortable. He wanted to thank Eric alone, without the others there, but now he mumbles a quiet “thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Eric replies with a wink. That wink does something to Dele, it makes his insides flutter, his fingertips tickle.

The waiter comes before one of the other boys can ask what they’re talking about and Dele is thankful for it. He feels like what he’s talked about with Eric isn’t supposed to be heard by anyone else.

They talk and celebrate all night and for once Dele is drinking a beer as well. It’s eleven when they decide to call it a day and although Dele isn’t tired yet, the adrenaline still in his veins, he doesn’t mind it.

When Eric and him walk to the wardrobe to get their coats, Dele watches Eric. “You look tired,” he says, worrying his lip, “are you okay?”

Eric sighs, “Well, it’s late, Del’.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

Eric stays quiet for a little and puts on his coat instead, then he looks at Dele and shrugs. “I’m stressed.”

Dele looks around. The others are waiting outside already so he puts his hand on the top of Eric’s shoulder and looks him in the eyes. “I don’t like hearing that.”

Eric blushes and looks on the ground, “It’s okay, don’t worry.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“It’s fine, I promise,” Eric replies, “don’t wanna ruin your day with my shit.”

Dele frowns, “Hey, you could never ruin my day. You helped me so much, Eric. This isn’t just a one-way thing, I want to help you too.”

Eric smiles a bit embarrassed, “We.. we need to get going, the others are waiting.”

“Yeah,” Dele nods and puts his coat on, “come home with me and we can talk, okay?”

Eric sighs, “Okay.”

“So,” Dele says a little while later, “what is stressing you out so much?” They’re sitting on his sofa, Dele on the one end, Eric on the other, both with a tea in their hands.

Eric looks at his mug, he worries his lip. “Uni…”

Dele smiles sympathetically, “You need to give me a bit more, Eric.”

He sighs, “I don’t know, I just feel like everything is too much. I always wanted to study psychology and now I’m not even sure I want to do it anymore. But I’ve already done it for  so long so it would be stupid to just drop out, especially because I don’t have a plan B. If I at least got good results in the end, but no, all this studying for nothing. I’ve never felt so dumb and stupid in my life.” It all just spills out of him, he has to take a deep breath once he’s done, “so yeah…”

“I think it’s normal to feel like this sometimes,” Dele moves closer to Eric until he sits next to him, “if this isn’t the right thing, you’ll figure it out and it will be okay. I know it’s hard to realise that your dream might not be your dream anymore, but that happens sometimes.”

Eric stays quiet, playing with his hands and the mug.

“Maybe this is just a phase and you’ll love it again next semester or maybe you won’t. In that case there will be something waiting for you that you’ll love and it’ll be amazing. And Eric…” he waits until Eric looks at him, “you’re not stupid,” Dele puts his mug on the table, “you’re one of the smartest, most intelligent, funniest guys I know.”

Eric blushes, “That’s not true…”

“Yes it is,” Dele answers rather vehemently, “you’re amazing.” He leans forward and gently strokes Eric’s cheek. All he wants is to make Eric realise how freaking cute and nice and smart and well, amazing, he is.  
Dele’s heart is pounding in his chest when he kisses Eric. At first he doesn’t react, but then Eric kisses him back, running his hand over Dele’s back to hold him in place. Eric’s lips are soft, his mouth is hot, he tastes like peppermint tea. Dele never wants it to stop.

 

***

 

“So what will you do for Christmas?” Eric asks him when they meet the next time.

They’re walking the dogs again and it’s freezing cold outside. Dele tells himself that that’s the reason he’s practically sitting on Eric’s lap, watching Cisco and Clay play in the muddy field. They haven’t kissed again since that night. Dele has been lying awake at night, hoping that he didn’t go too far too soon.

“Dunno, nothing probably,” he answers with a shrug.

Eric turns his head to look at him, a concerned frown on his face.

“Well, family stays in London and other than that there aren’t many people I could celebrate with, are there?”

“That sounds lonely,” Eric says, worrying his bottom lip.

“We have to train anyways, I don’t care much.” He does, of course he does.

“I’ll ask my mum if it’s okay when you join us. We’re so many, I don’t think one more person matters,” Eric explains, smiling brightly at Dele, very content with his idea.

Dele blushes, “I don’t know Eric, I haven’t even met them…”

“Well, let’s change that on Christmas then! I’m sure they won’t mind.”

“Really?”

Eric nods and blushes, his cheeks turn even rosier than they are from the cold already. “I’d really like to have you with us.”

Dele smiles at him. He can’t describe the feeling in his chest, it’s like someone has lifted all the weight off of it, he can breathe again. He wants to thank Eric for taking that horrible feeling away. “That’s really nice of you.”

Eric chuckles, “Eh, I try.”

“You.. You’re so amazing.”

Eric blushes even more, if that’s even possible, and looks at the ground. “So are you.” Then he takes Dele’s hand and presses it softly.

Maybe he hasn’t gone too far too soon.

Dele’s heart flutters.

 

***

 

“I heard Eric invited you for Christmas?” Patrick asks him two days later during lunch.

Dele blushes. He doesn’t quite understand why, but he feels like he’s been caught doing something naughty. He clears his throat and looks up from his dish, “Yeah, he did.”

Patrick grins, “Cool, I’m sure it’ll be lots of fun, his siblings are crazy.”

Siblings. Yes, Eric has told him about them. Dele hopes they’ll like him. “Hmm,” he mumbles. He isn’t sure what to answer.

“You two spend a lot of time together, right?” It doesn’t sound prying, just interested.

“We do,” Dele answers, “we walk the dogs quite a lot. I miss mine…”

“What are their names again? Cisco and…”

“Clay.”

“Yeah right, that’s it. They’re so naughty,” he chuckles.

“I like them,” Dele answers a bit defensively.

“And Eric.”

Dele stays quiet for a few seconds, “I like him too.”

Patrick smiles, “We all do, he’s a great lad. So what will you get him?”

It feels elating, talking about Eric like that, saying that he likes him. “I-- really don’t know,” Dele answers.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll think of something that’ll make him happy.”

“You don’t have any tips for me?” Dele asks, chuckling a bit.

“Nah, you’ll figure it out yourself I think. I’d get him something that you both would like.”

“You mean concert tickets or something like that?”

Patrick laughs out loud, finding it hard to keep the pasta inside his mouth. “Yeah,” he stops to swallow… and laugh, “something like that.”

“What’s so funny?” Dele asks because quite frankly he doesn’t get the joke. He could _really_ use some help finding a present for Eric.

“Nothing, Dele,” Patrick replies, still chuckling. “Just… I don’t know, think of something you’d like to get from him,” he shrugs.

“You’re not being very helpful,” Dele sighs.

Patrick smiles, “That’s what friends are for.”

 

***

 

“Merry Christmas,” Dele says with a big smile after Eric has opened the door.

“Merry Christmas, Del’,” Eric answers and pulls him into a close hug. They stay like that for a few seconds, too long for it to be friendly. Dele closes his eyes and breathes in Eric’s scent. He smells so good.

“Close the damn door, Eric, it’s freezing!” a girl calls from behind them.

Dele opens his eyes and blushes, pulling away from Eric. She looks just like him, her hair is a bit darker.

“You’re such a pain in the ass, Frank,” Eric answers with a roll of his eyes. He waits for Dele to take off his coat and hangs it up, then he smiles at him, the smile that makes Dele’s insides flutter. “This is my sister Francesca,” he explains.

Dele shakes her hand, “Nice to meet you, I’m Dele.”

Francesca grins, “I know that, Eric won’t stop talking about you.”

Eric’s cheeks flush red, he shifts, “Shut up.”

Dele chuckles and smiles at him, “Don’t worry, I think it’s cute.”

“Aww, see, you’re cute Eric,” Francesca teases him.

“Get lost,” he replies with a chuckle, then he looks at Dele, “I thought I’d introduce you to everyone and then… if you like, we can go to my old room and chill a bit. Tonight we’ll eat and play board games.”

“Sounds great,” Dele replies. He’s a bit nervous about meeting everyone but tries not to show it.

Eric puts an arm around him, resting his hand on the small of Dele’s back and smiles at him. “Everyone’s in the living room, come on, I’ll show you.”

Eric leads him through a hallway that is plastered with framed family pictures. Dele wants to stop to look at all of them.  
The hallway leads to a big living room, a fire is burning and everyone’s talking to each other. They stop abruptly when Eric and Dele enter. Dele blushes. 

“Everyone, this is Dele. I’m sure you all know him,” Eric says with a chuckle. Then he looks at Dele and smiles before pointing at a middle-aged man. “That’s my dad and that,” he points at a woman who looks just like him, “is my mum.”

Dele smiles politely, “It’s nice to meet you. Thank you for letting me celebrate with you.”

“Oh no, thank you for celebrating with us,” Eric’s mum answers and gets up to greet him.

Eric’s dad follows, shaking his hand and telling him how great he has played in yesterday’s game.

“I brought you something as a thank you,” Dele explains and hands them a bottle of expensive wine.

“That wouldn’t have been necessary, dear,” Eric’s mum says with a smile, “but thank you so much!”

“It is,” Dele answers, “it was very nice of you to let Eric invite me.”

Eric’s dad chuckles, “One more won’t make a difference,” he says, “and the other ones are all bringing someone too.” He looks at his children.

“It’ll be a full house,” Eric answers and chuckles, “come on, I’ll show you around.”

His mum nods, “That’s a good idea, we’ll have some tea when your grandparents arrive in…” she checks her watch, “an hour and a half.”

“Alright, we’ll be here again by then,” Eric says, “call us if you need any help.” Then he leads Dele up the steep stairs.

“This is it?” Dele asks, pointing at a door that’s plastered with postcards.

“Yep,” Eric answers and opens the door, “come in.”

“It’s nice,” Dele says once he’s seated on the bed, it’s the only place to sit in the room, “and bigger than my room at home.”

Eric chuckles, “Well, I took quite some stuff with me when I moved out, but this is it.” He sits down next to Dele, their thighs are touching.

Dele looks at him, “I have something for you too, it’s nothing big, but I hope you’ll like it.”

“Oh,” he replies, a bright smile on his face, “you shouldn’t have gotten me anything.”

“Hey, you’re the reason I’m not celebrating alone, I think you deserve a little thank you for that,” Dele answers and hands him the present.

“No need to thank me,” Eric explains with a shy smile, “this is the best Christmas ever-- because I get to  spend it with you.”

Dele blushes, he doesn’t know what to say so he clears his throat. “I know you should wait until tomorrow morning to open it, but I won’t be there then and I’d like to see your reaction.”

Eric chuckles, “Eh, I don’t care much for that tradition,” he starts opening the wrapped gift. “It’s soft… Oh!” he exclaims once he’s holding the fluffy scarf in his hands, he smiles. “It’s amazing, thank you so much!”

Dele smirks, “I thought this way I can keep yours, the one I stole.” He doesn’t tell him he stole it because it just smelled too good, like Eric. His scent still drives him insane.

“Ahh, I see,” Eric winks, “I have a little something for you as well.”

“Oh you shouldn’t have!”

“So you get to give me a present and I can’t give you something in return? Unfair!” Eric replies and gets up to retrieve a small bag from his shelf. “This is for you,” he says once he’s sitting again.

“Thank you,” Dele answers and opens the little velvet bag to peek inside. He looks up staggered once he’s spotted it. “That’s way too expensive!”

Eric ignores his appeal, “Something to remind you of me.”

“As if I’d need a reminder to think of you,” Dele answers and looks into Eric’s eyes. “Help me put it on?” he asks with a sweet smile. He still can’t believe that Eric has gotten him something, celebrating Christmas with him and his family has been an amazing present already.

“Of course,” Eric takes the black leather bracelet, he closes the clasp, his fingers dancing over the skin of Dele’s wrists, “there you go, all done.”

“Thank you,” Dele answers and takes his hand, he strokes it gently with his thumb. Nothing in the world feels better than being this close to Eric, not even scoring a goal.

Eric bites his bottom lip and he gets his free hand up to cup Dele’s face, caressing the soft skin. “Consider this a present too,” he says with a smirk, then he leans in and kisses Dele.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to chat, please come and visit me on tumblr: @penalteaze


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